Personal style: my weapon of choice to protect against blending in
It's more than just garments.
Growing up, I only had glimmers of my personal style. I often submitted to the trends around me because I lacked the self-understanding and intuition to be drawn to what looked and felt like “me.” I struggled to find my style, often giving into impatience, which led to impulse-buying, dressing for other people, dressing to be accepted, dressing to look “hot”, and list goes on. I was hardly factored into the equation.
That was my twenties. Fast fashion, returning things constantly, and admiring others on IG and tumblr who put themselves together so nicely. I wanted so badly to dress well and feel like me at the same time. It was around the end of my twenties that I started to find my stride but not quite fully. When I look back, I can see that the evolution of my personal style was closely linked with my journey of knowing myself in a deep and meaningful way.
As I entered my thirties — ending years of binge drinking, avoiding myself and my needs, the wrong relationships, and the wrong friendships — I became so sick of my shit that change was inevitable. You can call it a “dark night of the soul” or a spiritual awakening, but I finally started looking inward and cleaning things up. I began taking care of my body differently, eating differently, and cutting the drinking and all the toxicity out of my life. I shifted the focus on myself and made that a priority after years of people pleasing. I became much more intentional about my career and what I wanted to create for my life.
And when the lens for my life shifted along with my priorities— so did my personal style. I started thinking deeply about who I wanted to be, how I wanted to show up and the type of impact I wanted to make in the world. I starting asking myself questions like What is my purpose? What do I truly value? Who do I want to become?
What also became clear were my muses: Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, Kelly Rutherford, Dakota Johnson, Bianca Jagger, and Arielle Charnas. It was intuition really. They continue to give me visions of elegance, simplicity and timelessness that deeply resonated. CBK died almost 30 years ago and we continue to revere her crisp white shirts, headbands and Prada sandals. She lives forever because of her style.
There was a lot of trial and error. If you know me, you know I am the Queen of Returns. While it was a running joke for a long time in my life, it was a symptom of a much bigger problem — shopping too fast and not listening to my intuition. After wasting endless hours at the post office and in lines, I started taking things slow. I reimagined the entire process of buying clothes as a slow, luxurious thing that I could actually enjoy! What a concept.
It was a gradual process and I didn’t do it alone. I had the support of my good friend Florencia, who is a personal stylist. With her guidance, honesty, and support, she helped me build muscles of discernment so that I could have the clarity about what I liked and didn’t like — and it worked. At first, it took me by surprise because I’ve never had that…ever. Working with Flo was great because she made take me the time to pay attention to how I felt in what I was wearing, what I was drawn to. And after a while, it felt natural.
Flo not only gave me a playbook that I could follow but one that was good for my finances. Ironically, investing in a stylist caused me to shop (and spend) less frivolously. Me and my credit card are indebted to her for this (no pun). I’ve built a capsule wardrobe because of it and I’ve learned the greatest lesson: less is more. It’s become less about quantity and more about quality.
It’s empowering to book a vacation and not need to purchase a single thing because you have everything you need.
How is this all connected? Well, I correlate finding my personal style with my unwavering commitment to learn, love, and know myself. Looking in the mirror and being honest about what I need to unlearn to be the best version of myself is a gruelling process and not for the faint of heart. But as I peel back the layers, I get closer to the real me. And as I get closer to the real me, the process of dressing myself has become so much more than what trousers I put on. It’s an expression of how I see myself, how I feel about myself and what I believe I deserve.
My personal style is a channel of radical self-expression, serving as my weapon of choice to fiercely protect my identity and amplify my self-esteem.
I use these choice words to combat a world that tries to blend all of us in and make us the same. Your personal style is so much more than garments and how you dress. It’s a reflection of how you feel about yourself. It’s unspoken expression of how you want to show up in the world and the presence and impact you desire to have.
Here's the top 3 of the many insights of yours, I agree with. Your powerful words are in quotes.
1) "It’s empowering to book a vacation and not need to purchase a single thing because you have everything you need."
This simple statement because a fundamental life operating principle, when expanded and applied to other consumptive need.
2) "Your personal style is so much more than garments and how you dress. It’s a reflection of how you feel about yourself."
I learned years ago, from a personal friend who was, in his day one of NYC's top-4 magazine cover photographers. His statement became an immediate principle of mine. He said, "When you have style, you don't follow it, you create it!"
3) "Looking in the mirror and being honest about what I need to unlearn to be the best version of myself is a gruelling process and not for the faint of heart. But as I peel back the layers, I get closer to the real me.
Totally! As we "peel back the layers" we all get closer to our real self.
4) "My personal style is a channel of radical self-expression, serving as my weapon of choice to fiercely protect my identity and amplify my self-esteem."
Here's my question about your above quote; why does personal style need to be a channel of "radical," anything? Isn't it enough to reflect our naturalness, naturally?
Also what happens when self-expression serves to be a weapon? Why this association?
When self expression serves weaponizing what happens to the self that expressing itself?
Lastely, what if our self-expression didn't need to fiercely protect our identity?
How ground is identity when it is based on a need to "fiercely protect," itself?
All in all, Bianca, I value your voice.